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Tuesday, February 19, 2013


A few years later my daughter had a guinea pig that was screaming an almost unearthly scream as it was dying, and I noted that my screams had sounded just like that!
My counselor said that it was all right to get very angry and sometimes I would get so angry I would break things. I remember going into our shed one time when I had just remembered something awful that had happened to me and I banged the garden hose on the floor as hard as I could until it came apart as I pounded out my rage. It seemed never ending but I felt better afterwards.
Somewhere in there my own daughter was sexually molested when she was four years old by a boy down the street, and that was an awful time for me and her. We took her to a wonderful place for counseling and they helped her a lot!
It took her until she was grown up to be comfortable with her body again and still some of her shame lingered into adulthood. Through counseling from a wonderful, loving counselor I learned that I was a precious human being who shouldn’t have been treated the way that I was. I learned to love and respect myself. Something I had never been able to do before.

Then some years later I was back in counseling again. I was having problems with the sexual abuse again! I told my counselor that I couldn’t get rid of grandpa although he was dead. He seemed to be coming back again and again. My counselor told me to ask Jesus what I should do. I paused in surprise wondering if I would get an answer if I did. I did what she said, I asked and then listened for a reply, and when I almost stopped listening I heard, “love him.”
I was amazed at how simple the solution was! I just had to love him and I would be all right! You might think that that would be too hard for me but it actually wasn’t at the time. And it worked; his image never came to haunt me again!

I have felt some resentment at times because of what he did to me and what it has done to my life around sex but I have never been oppressed by the whole thing since.
Now that I am saved I realize that Jesus was with me the whole time! Now I remember feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit comforting me when I was at my low points. I even remember when I was a little baby crying in my crib
because no one came to pick me up and comfort me, that I felt the Holy Ghost comforted me as I was turning over in my crib, sucking my thumb and holding onto my blanket!
He was there all the time! And I didn’t really know it then, but I know it now. Oh, just to know that He was there watching over me and that He cared more than I could imagine! He was hurting right along with me but He let me go through all of what I did for a reason! He knew that I would overcome all odds and come out victorious! And He knew that because I suffered so much I would have much love and compassion to share with many others!
That is Jesus heart that we first love Him and than love one another, and that we will lead others to find Him and receive Salvation, too! And that those people will obey Him as recorded in His Word and follow Him for the rest of their lives! be continued


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