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WHY MANY BIG BOYS ARE NOT READY TO MARRY

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Today more than ever men are shying themselves away from committing themselves to any long term marital relationships with women. And while many women continue to devise ways to get men to be committed to them, others are simply fed up and are giving up all hope on the issue of marriage. In times past men begin to consider marriage soon after graduating from college, university, trade schools or apprenticeships and are gainfully employed. There was a time when weddings followed quickly on the heels of graduation. In fact a generation ago, couples could almost send out dual graduation/wedding announcements to save postage. That was when the average groom was 25 and the average bride, 20. Today, couples wait good longer years before they settle down. A lot of these big boys are in their 30s, some 40s, yet, they are not giving marriage a thought. One of the things that are very surprising is that, after been in a steady relationship for years, they are still not ready to settle down. Some of the women in their lives think they are not good enough for them, buy the guys have other reasons that they never shared with their partners. In this report, City People Fashion Editor, BOLA AKINBOADE brings you some of the reasons guys now prefer to be single.

FINANCIAL INSECURITY
Money plays a major role in marriage. It is one of the major sources of conflict in marriage. And with divorce rate of divorce been on the rise, most men do not want to make the mistake of believing that love covereth all things, with or without cash. And because of this financial insecurity, most eligible men are not ready to settle down until they are financially buoyant. And for a man who is still struggling and hustling, marriage will obviously be the last thing on his mind. Unlike before when marriages can be built on modest incomes, dependent on help from friends and family, today’s single men, however, dream big about their marriage’s financial foundation. The most important priority for singles guys these days is “getting set” financially, completing their education and getting a career established. Many guys now believe that owning a home in a good neighborhood, a good car or cars, a buoyant bank account is now a prerequisite to marriage and making kids. So most guys will continue to tarry on the issue of marriage in order to achieve this, which seldom come.

THEY CAN GET SEX WITHOUT MARRIAGE EASILY
Men face little social pressure to get married because unlike in times past it is a lot easier for a man to get sex without having to say I do. Although the men delaying marriage, they are not putting off sex. Women can no longer effectively entice men with the promise of sex as an incentive for men to commit to them. This is because men can get sex (the number one reason why men married in the past) from a number of readily available sources, in many cases with no strings attached. The disconnect between sex and marriage cannot be overestimated as a reason guys are staying single so long. The traditional route to sexual fulfillment via marriage once served to compel men to temper their desire for freedom and commit to one woman and any children that resulted has been over abused in recent times. Now that sex is often available without expectations of marriage, men have lost a foundational reason to commit.

HIGH EXPECTATION
Today’s single guys seem to be expecting a “perfectly perfect” lady for wife. The idea of, “to attract the best, you must be best” yourself is not in their dictionary. Expectations for a marriage partner are now over the top. Most men believe that there is a special person, a soul mate, waiting for them somewhere out there, and they would find that special one by the time they are ready to get married. Their view of a soul mate has been diluted by self-centered cultural expectations. For one thing, our culture leads us to fixate on external images and to expect a mate with no flaws. These days, most guys look out of the corner of their eye for this perfect soul mate that will automatically compliment their life.

FEAR OF COMMITMENT
Another reason why some men delay marriage is fear of losing out of the fun they used to get as a single guy, such as their flings with different women, hanging out with friends till late in the night and all that. So guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments, or even to take any steps that might lead to commitment. This is why, when a guy goes out on a date with a woman and finds himself really liking her; he often will demonstrate his affection but will still be avoiding any commitment to her for the rest of his life. And most women are puzzled by this and can’t seem to understand his change in attitude towards them. The reason is that the guy has realized that if he takes her out again, he’ll probably like her even more, so he’ll take her out again, and eventually they’ll fall in love with each other, and get married.

FEAR OF DIVORCE
Men dread the possible consequences in the likely event the relationship does not work out. The emotional suffering caused by a break up could be devastating to men, but they express more concern for the risk of financial losses they may suffer if and when confronted with divorce proceedings.

COMFORT ZONE
It is men’s nature to delay anything that can cause drastic changes to their lives. And although men have always been aware of the changes that marriage brings, they accepted them as part of the territory; “when a man marries, his troubles begin.” And most men are not ready to leave their comfort zones for a life of responsibility, compromise and sacrifice. By their own admissions, this is the life they believe awaits them whenever they decide to take what they consider the final plunge and settle down.

UNREALISTIC CHOICE OF PARTNER
Most of the time; most guys don’t know what to choose, as most men double date and don’t believe in putting their eggs in one basket. It will be difficult to see a man that will be committed to just a lady. Most of the time, men keep multiple relationships, so that before they make the final decision, they want to be sure they are making the best possible choice.

OTHER PRORITIES
Most guys also delay marriage because they’ve got other priorities. Many guys want to finish courses in college or graduate school first. Others would like to earn a promotion at work, or start a small business successfully. And still some guys would like to earn enough to buy their own house, car, gargets and other properties. These guys think that a marriage could hamper their plans, because then they’d have to share everything with their partner.

MULTIPLE SEX PARTNER
Why some men are also not ready to settle down is the fact that they don’t see themselves with one sex partner forever. The fear of sticking to one partner has made some of them to delay marriage. Some men successfully get through this thought and make their marriages work out, but others just haven’t had the courage to do away with their army of bedmates.

NEGATIVE STORIES ABOUT MARRIAGE
There are lots of stories on several reasons why marriages are not working plus the various problems associated with it, and this in a way has also affected a lot of making decision and settling down. Most guys have been listening to too many stories. His best friend got married, but is now chained to a non-stop nagger. His boss is married and is philandering, and casually tells him that all married guys do it. Guys in his social club either are divorced, or having marriage issues. And then, there’s the friend of the cousin of the colleague’s uncle whose troubled marriage caused him to go crazy. All these stories are a major stumbling block for men these days.

NOT READY TO GIVE UP HIS FREEDOM
Most guys are also not ready to let go of their freedom. He isn’t ready. He is not ready to stay home with one person and help out in the kitchen when he wants to go out and hang out with his friends. He’s not ready to lose freedom over what he eats, because he knows his wife will be preparing those healthy meals that don’t really appeal to him. He’s not ready to give up weekend guys activities to be beside his wife. These days, most guys are not just ready and willing to kiss their single days goodbye forever. They want to enjoy single life as long as they can.

UNRESOLVED ISSUES
Some men are dealing with related unresolved issues. His parents probably divorced when he was a kid, and he had a difficult time growing up with a broken family. Or, a close member of his family was married once, and it turned out badly, ending up in a brutal divorce. These life-changing events can cause anyone a great deal of trauma. They are like ghosts from his past. And for men like these, they would always have mixed feeling or reaction anytime the subject marriage crops up.

THE EMERGENCE OF SUPER INDEPENDENT WOMEN
These generation is battling with a stiff competition between men are women. Women are even out there more than the men, and on top of the career. Gone are those days that a woman have to wait for a man to fulfill her needs, these days, they do all they want by themselves. They have suddenly become a threat to most eligible bachelors who are easily intimidated by their success. In as much as no man like a woman who is going to be a liability to them, or a woman who sit back and wait for their men to fill every aspect of their lives. They still want a woman they can lord over her and still under him. But these days, a lot of eligible ladies are super independent.

FINDING A DESCENT AND WIFE MARERIAL WOMAN
These days, most men are also battling with the challenge of finding a descent woman that genuinely loves them. A lot of women are entering marriage for the wrong motives and most smart guys can see through them. Most ladies are just after these men pocket and what they can gain from them, or how they can solve particular problem in their lives or just to bear ‘Mrs…….’

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